A mental checklist of understanding people

My job involves meeting people and understand them. Through such understanding, can I then assist in guiding their financial behaviour towards what's important to them. Therefore, in order to be professionally effictive, I need to have a system or mental checklist in understanding people.

My system (or mental checklist) of understanding a person is based on the work of Dr Larry Crabb. A noted professional counsellor. According to his research, people have one basic personal need which requires two kinds of input for its satisfaction. The most basic need is a sense of personal worth, an acceptance of oneself as a whole, real person. The two required inputs are security and significance.

Security involves factors like love, unconditional and consistently expressed; permanent acceptance, and have a deep sense of certainty.

Significance involves factors like purpose, importance, adequcy for a role (for example a job), meaningfulness, and impact.

My personal observations and Dr Crabb's writings both suggest that although men and women need both kinds of input, for men the primary route to personal worth is significance and for women the primary route is security. This explain why men could at times gamble their security to pursue significance (like starting a business, hopefully to make it big). And women would guard their security gingerly (like their finances), and at times,can forgo significance.

Most personal (and financial) problems develop when the basic needs for significance and security are threatened. As a result, people pursue irresponsible ways of living (or induglence) as a means of defending against feelings of insignificance and insecurity. Common amongst men is the unrealistic pursuit of assets and careers; becasue they thought by having lots of money and powerful career give them a sense of significance (we know such thinking is not right). And common amongst women is the distrust of men, even he could be the husband or love ones, as a result she needs to control her men and resources tightly.

It is amazing that these two inputs (security and significance) appear as a common denominator in almost all the people I have met both in my work and my life.