Guidelines for Visiting the Sick

My job involves me frequent the hospital quite often to serve my clients. My primary role is to assist clients in settling their insurance claims. Below is a guideline I use when visiting the sick:

Do:

Be friendly and cheerful.
Be reassuring and comforting.
Help the patient relax.
Recognise that anxieties, discouragement, guilt, frustrations and uncertainties may be present.
Give reassurance of divine love and care.
Promise to pray for the patient during his illness - and act on you promise.

Don't:

Speak in an unnatural tone of voice.
Talk about your own past illnesses.
Force the patient to talk. Your silent presence can often be very meaningful.
Promise that God will heal them. Sometimes in his wisdom God permits illness to persist.
Visit when you are sick.
Talk loudly.
Sit, Lean on, or jar the bed.
Visit during meals.
Whisper to family members or medical personnel within sight of patient.
Share information about the diagnosis.
Question the patient about the details of the illness.
Tell the family how to decide when presented with medical options (but help them to decide).
Critize the hospital, treatment or doctors.
Spread detailed information about the patient when you complete your visit.

(Taken from Gary R. Collins, Ph.D. : "Christian Counseling: A Comprehensive Guide")

Money and the end of our life

I got a call yesterday from a client. He is 58. He had a blood condition and was admitted to SGH, and the doctor's initial assessment is not positive. I visited him and have a man to man talk.

Me: "Uncle, are you scared?"

Client: "A bit, but this is life, one has to go some day."

Me: "tell me about those things you treasured?"

Client: "Oh........", the client went on and on for the whole night talking about his family, the things he did when he was young, the mistake made, regrets of not having a good education, joked about the politicians, pride of seeing his children grown up get married (or worries rather)....

He did not mention about money or investment. Money is necessary, but it is not important when it comes to the end of our life.

Ops! I can't pay the car loan?!

I was following on the newspaper report on the ex-water polo champ who was jailed due to embezzlment of $61K from a sports association. The report today said that most of these money went towards paying his car loans (2 cars).

Professionally, I have observed many people gotten their debt out of control due to car loan, and do not know what to do until the lender comments legal actions which led to embarrassment or compromise of integrity by using "other people's money" to solve the problem. The latter carries a jail term in Singapore. Here is what you can do if you are having problem with your car loan(s).

Step 1: Confess your problem to your God almighty.

Whatever faith you belong to, go kneel down to your God almighty and confess that you have made a mistake in buying the car which you can't afford. Confess that you have bought the car because you want to look good and keep up with the Joneses.

Step 2: Call the credit department of your lender.

After confessing, you would find it easier to put your ego aside and speak to the credit officer. Be sincere and polite, tell the officer that you want to surrender your car. The officer will advice you to drive to a specific car park to hand over the car. Some of these car parks are located at Turf club or behind Chinese Garden.

This is to avoid your car being towed away by the car recovery companies, which will charge you the tow charges and service fee.

Step 3: The lender will auction your car

Under the hire and purchase act, the lender has to do this professionally. It will call for buyer or auction the car away. Before the deal is sealed, it will write to you to inform you the selling price, you have the right to object if you are not happy. (But at this this stage of the game, i suggest you withhold your ego and let the lender off-load the car, becuase for everyday the car stays in the car park, you will need to pay the parking charges which is not cheap.)

Step 4: The poceed of the sale will be used to off-set the outstanding loan

In most cases, the proceed will not be enough to discharge the totel loan. You will be given a letter of demand to settle the outstanding amount. Based on this letter of demand, you propose an installment plan to settle the amount. (the lender would most likely to agree because all it wanted is to have the money back) Face the problem fast, and avoid letting in become a legal case which will cost you more money (legal cost are in thousands of dollars).

Step 5: Have discipline in repayment.

You have to honour your repayment schedule. And when you have more cash, go and make full or partial capital settlement.

Above steps are not found in text book, they are real experience from real people whom i have known. The cost of going through above steps is a loss of face, and (if you are a married man) a scolding from your wife, which after a while nobody cares. You can recover all over easily.

Coming back to the ex-water polo champ case, the cost of compromising your integrity to use "other people's money" to solve your problem is not only the jail term, but, more importantly, losing your soul, which is very very very difficult to recover.

Story of a Young Man & an Old China Man

I felt a sense of deja vu when a Strait Times headline hits me. "9 months' jail for ex-water polo champ who took funds". This person of responsibility apparently embezzled $61,714 from a sporting association over to himself to pay off bank debts, credit card and car loans.

It reminds me of a story of a young man and an old china man.

A young man goes to a sleek show flat, eager to impress his dream girl, tells the developer, "this is what I can afford, but I will stretch it further to buy a bigger unit than this."

Old china man goes to the same show flat, tells the developer,"this is what I can afford, but I will reduce my budget to buy a smaller unit than this."

Young man goes to a car show room, eager to prove his manhood, tells the car salesman,"I want a 2,000 cc, turbo charged, 2 door, convertible with 16 valve engine...."

Old china man goes to the same car show room, tells the car salesman,"I want a low cc, efficient engine, low fuel consumption, ....."

Young man buys car only look at the cost of the car. (and pays attention to the salesgirl)

Old china man buys car look at the cost of the car + insurance+road tax+monthly fuel cost+monthly parking cost+monthly road usage cost+yearly maintenance cost. (and ignore the salesgirl)

Young man entertains with wine and dine at fine restaurant and pays +++. (using credit card of course)

Old china man entertains with tiger beer and eat at neighborhood Zhi-Char store. (pay cash of course)

Young man always compare and complain what he does'nt have.

Old china man always give thanks and content with what he already have.

Young man was forced to his knees by bank debts, credit card and car loans, and wanted to take company money to solve his problem and "pay back later".

Old china man stops him, use his own money to bail him out of the problem. Old china man says:"young man, never compromise your integrity, it is time to wake up and grow up!"

If you are this "young man", I hope you will wake up from a life-style of high consumption and watch out your debt level before it goes out of control. I have seen so many high calibre people compromise their integrity when their debts go out of control.

As for the old china man, he really exists and is living a peaceful and purposeful life. The next time you have coffee at Kallang Bahru hawker centre, you might bump into him.

Our Mothers' Teaching and Life Insurance

When I was young, my mother taught me to buy an item only when I need it. Any disobedience would be met by a cane, no question asked. I guess your experience is similar to mine, except that the mode of punishment could be different. This has shaped our purchasing behavior generally in Singapore. This is the basis why life insurance is a product that is so difficult to sell.

You can only buy life insurance WHEN you DON'T NEED it. That is to say your health is reasonably good, and you are of reasonable age. Assuming you are 45 years old, statistically we know that for every 1,000 45 years old men, 1 will die in a year. We know 1 will die, but we don't know who this 1 is. The expected number of death increases with age. This randomness of data forms the basis of actuarial science, which in turn provide the foundation to design the sum assured and premium of a life insurance policy.

When you do need the life insurance policy, i.e. when the doctor says you are going to die tomorrow and you have bills unpaid, you will NOT be qualified for a life insurance policy. Any deviation from this principle will cause the collapse of the entire life insurance industry. This is known as ADVERSE-SELECTION in life insurance term. And to further protect against manipulation of life, most life insurance contracts contain a suicide clause that shield the life insurance company from paying out the sum assured if the life assured commits suicide within 1 year of taking up the policy.

I agree with our mothers' teaching: "Don't buy the things when you don't need it", but when it comes to life insurance please change your mindset for a while. And when you allocate some of the sum assured to your mother, she will be happy with you. (I guarantee this!)

An Observation from an Obituary

I come across an obituary recently. The content (without mentioning names) is as follows:

1. Deceased : Mr XXX, age 53

2. Mother: Mdm XXX

3. Wife: Ms XXX

4. Daughters : Ms XXX and YYY

5. Sister: Ms ZZZ (Deceased)

6. Brother-in-law: Mr YYY

I can foresee that the Mdm XXX (the mother) is going to have a hard time. Both her son and daughter have died before her. I estimate her age to be in late 70s. If Mr XXX's estate plan does not provide for Mdm XXX, she will have to rely on her son in law and daughter in law financially. The situation could be bleak for Mdm XXX if the children in laws decided to re-marry.

Professionally, I always come across many couples make wills which exclude their parents, thinking that their parents would die before them. Life might not be that straight forward.

If you are reading this message now, I encourage you to re-look at your will and estate plan to allocate some of your assets to your parents. As the example shown above, you might go to heaven sooner than your Mom and Dad. For heaven sake, leave behind some financial security to them. This is love in action.

Handphone number and bank(s)

Since September, I made some short trips to Penang, Malacca and KL for work and personal reasons. I received some marketing calls from a local bank promoting credit cards and over-draft products on my handphone. As i have received the calls in Malaysia, i was charged IDD rates. The amount is significant. When I voiced this matter to the bank, i was made to talk with a machine operator. Obviously the matter was being pushed aside.

I find that the banks are very in-sensitive when dealing with customers. The handphone number which i have given to them is a privilege information, and it is with good faith that this number will only be used on emergency to contact me, as a bank account holder. One example of emergency is when the CEO of the bank is about to die or get sacked, so that I can quickly shift my saving deposits to the competitor bank next door.

Apparently, the bank has abused this faith by passing the handphone number to the marketing department to solicit business. I have found an effective way to over-come this irritable problem.

Step one, go to the bank and request to update your personal information. On the column of "handphone number" put "nil", and highlight to the officer that your current handphone number is no longer valid.

Step two, write on the information update form that you do not wish to be contacted for marketing calls, AND have the bank officer or branch manager endorse on the form.

Step three, physically copy down the name and ic number of that staff who endorse your update form to show them you mean business.

Since then, i have received no marketing calls from the bank and am able to travel in peace.

(*and yes, i did specify on the form my definition of emergency: Call me immediately(on my land line) when your bank CEO is about to die or get sacked, so that i can move my deposits to the competitor bank next door!)