A mental checklist of understanding people

My job involves meeting people and understand them. Through such understanding, can I then assist in guiding their financial behaviour towards what's important to them. Therefore, in order to be professionally effictive, I need to have a system or mental checklist in understanding people.

My system (or mental checklist) of understanding a person is based on the work of Dr Larry Crabb. A noted professional counsellor. According to his research, people have one basic personal need which requires two kinds of input for its satisfaction. The most basic need is a sense of personal worth, an acceptance of oneself as a whole, real person. The two required inputs are security and significance.

Security involves factors like love, unconditional and consistently expressed; permanent acceptance, and have a deep sense of certainty.

Significance involves factors like purpose, importance, adequcy for a role (for example a job), meaningfulness, and impact.

My personal observations and Dr Crabb's writings both suggest that although men and women need both kinds of input, for men the primary route to personal worth is significance and for women the primary route is security. This explain why men could at times gamble their security to pursue significance (like starting a business, hopefully to make it big). And women would guard their security gingerly (like their finances), and at times,can forgo significance.

Most personal (and financial) problems develop when the basic needs for significance and security are threatened. As a result, people pursue irresponsible ways of living (or induglence) as a means of defending against feelings of insignificance and insecurity. Common amongst men is the unrealistic pursuit of assets and careers; becasue they thought by having lots of money and powerful career give them a sense of significance (we know such thinking is not right). And common amongst women is the distrust of men, even he could be the husband or love ones, as a result she needs to control her men and resources tightly.

It is amazing that these two inputs (security and significance) appear as a common denominator in almost all the people I have met both in my work and my life.

Further case notes on alternate life-style matters

In my previous blog on "Case notes from clients who are homosexuals", I mentioned about my stand of not endorsing the life-style of a homosexual. This has caused some unhappiness amongst the affected parties. Therefore, i would like to clarify further.

First, let me explain that me being not endorsing such a life-style does not mean that I will go for a "witch hunting" exercise to decimate the affected parties. In fact, the opposite is true. I engage them sincerely. Today, I have good friends(and clients) who are homosexuals.

Let me share further on the inner thoughts of this group of people from my case notes.

1. Ms. ABC. A lesbian in her 30s, with 2 daughters and a live-in partner. I asked her why? She tells me she has been play-out by her ex-husband(who just walk out on her(and 2 children) and disappear). That incident has caused her to lose trust in man, and she beginning to take on the "man" role to provide for the children and herself. And it gradually develops into the current situation.

2. Mr. DEF. A gay in his 40s. I asked him why? He tells me that when he was a boy, he was sexually abused by his uncle. And ever since, the bitterness and shame has been residing within him. That incident was the beginning of his homosexual behaviour.

There are many other observations documented in my file, and I do find one common trend: that there is usually one incident that was so bad or deadly that caused a complete shift in the sexuality from normal. The cause of this is usually a very evil ill caused by another person, which i interpret as a dark force to break down a family unit. Through my observation in the history of men, from the city of Sodom to the Roman & Chinese empires, the prelude of a down fall of a country or people is the break down of a family unit. It is on this basis that I don't endorse such alternate life-style.

Case notes from clients who are homosexuals

Recently there are heated arguments amongst Singaporeans on the Penal Code 377A matter. Personally, I don't endorse such a life-style (i don't endorse anything that will undermine the foundation and perpetuity of a family unit); but, like it or not, homosexuals do exist in any society since the beginning of time.

I do have clients who are gays and lesbians, and this group of people do have an unique financial planning concerns. Below are some case notes from my field experience:

1. The need to have an estate plan

Same sex marriages are not recognised in Singapore. Therefore, a homosexual has to write a will to distribute his/her assets to secure the financial security of his/her partner. Otherwise, under the Intestate Succession Act, the partner will not be entitled to any inheritances.

The other estate planning technique is to arrange for a life insurance policy to be assigned (under the Policies of Assurance Act) to their partner.

2. The need to have a well funded retirement plan

One of the deepest concern of a homosexual is the fear of old age without money. First, this is because many of them do not expect a life-long relationships with their partners. Second, homosexual cannot produce children (unless they adopt), hence the thoughts of having children to care for them in old age is almost zero.

Therefore, their need to save and invest their retirement fund is more crucial than other people.

3. The need to self-insure themselve

Homosexuals face great difficult to obtain medical and life insurance plans. This is becuase they are viewed to be in a high risk category of getting HIV. Most medical and critical illness plan will exclude them, and the life insurance plan would usually be issued at a higher premium. Hence, homosexuals have to use their own assets to pay for financial issues of medical, illness, disability or death.

4. The need to plan for property (or assets) ownership

As mentioned in point 2 about the fear of lack of consistent long term partner, property ownership can be a tricky issue. If the homosexual relationship does not work out, one party has to buy out the (property)share of the other person. Again, this need money.

In Singapore, a homosexual union can't get a divorce because there is no marriage to begin with, hence, there is no such thing as a division of matrimonial assets or an enforcement by court order for alimony payment. If one homosexual party is supremely stronger financially than the other party, the weaker one will face a financial disaster in a "divorce" situation.

In my professional experience in engaging this group of people, their financial planning needs are subtlely more complex than the rest.